so here goes...

scream your heart out... »

so here goes...

by indianna @ 2007-11-24 – 23:17:35

where the hell to begin?

does anyone else have that feeling of panic simply because there are too many thoughts in their head? it makes me feel like i'm going insane.

i try not to be negative but when i think of what i've done and what i need to do to put things right it's hard to look on the bright side of life. i do not want to be full of self pity as i am fully aware there are people out there who are worse off than me in many many different ways. i'm aware of that and do not appreciate being called self involved simply because i look out for number one. i'm not saying i'm worse than anyone, i'm saying i'm worse at dealing with it. it being life in general.

i am just not capable of living a decent life because my head doesn't seem to be able to deal with the whole situation of being alive. does this make any sense? i doubt it, but it's making me feel better for writing it.

i'm too afraid of many things, afraid of failure, afraid of letting people down, afraid of people looking and laughing, afraid of getting hurt, afraid of being forgotten.

well, it seems like i am just afraid of life doesn't it?
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5 Comments to so here goes...

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- madtrucker
- 2007-11-25 @ 07:35:28
Life is simple, its only us that make it difficult. You should never be afraid to fail only be afraid not to learn from that failure. There is nothing wrong with putting yourself first, if you do not like yourself why should others ?? if people laugh at you, be happy that you have made them happy for that moment. Most of all, thinking is over rated and takes up too much space in your brain and thats whats making life hard for you if you can take your next breath then the rest is a bonus !!
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- jimmymoonbeam00 ^Pro
- 2007-11-26 @ 21:56:53
I've felt how you've described. Sometimes thinking can make you a better person. Depends how you use what you think about, to your advantage or disadvantage....
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- wargrym07
- 2007-12-18 @ 12:18:24
Yes, have felt, and still feel how you describe. Not all the time anymore, but it is still there.
Whether swamped by all the thoughts running through my head, or not being able to find the one good thought I need, panic came. Whatever you do though, never stop thinking, that in itself is not a bad thing.
It is just that sometimes we could do without feeling the way those thoughts make us feel.
It is good to be selfish at times. YOU have to come first sometimes. Be well, be ok, and the rest will follow. Strength comes in many guises, the fact that you are here, writing these things down shows that you have found at least a little of that strength.
And as for being afraid... everyone fears at least one thing, it's just that not everyone is as brave as you, not everyone can let others know what those fears are.

Some of the things that I am afraid of? People, (being around, talking to), being outside, seeing my own image (mirror or photo), being laughed at, being left behind, the list will go on and on. But the list is getting shorter in a way, as I learn to cope with and manage the things that I felt I never could before.
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- indianna
- 2008-01-29 @ 21:35:40
It's comforting to know I'm not the only one, even though that sounds a bit mean as it's like I'm sayng I'm glad other people have to suffer to to make me feel better, that's not what I mean though!

I've made good progress this year, I've actually been out twice to the pub for a night out with friends, drinking and meeting new people. I was so scared before going out, I don't like how I look and am afraid of people's judgement of me because of it, because of being uncool! Also having to meet new people which is terrifying enough! I got through it though, even if I did need a little more alcohol than intended to do so.

Thanku all for ur kind words & taking time out to read mine, here's hoping my strength in words blossoms in 2008

Take care x x x
- - wargrym07
  - 2008-02-03 @ 11:33:12
  Is good to see you back on here, and to hear that things are going ok.
  
  It's not mean at all to feel like that. It is always comforting to know that you aren't on your own or that you aren't the only one feeling a certain way.
  
  Keep "getting out there" and being yourself, always be yourself and your real friends will always stay with you and never judge you.
  
  Don't be a stranger ok?
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